Ultimate Dad Joke Contest

It wouldn't be Father's Day without corny jokes! We at TCU wish all the fathers and father figures a wonderful day. We've published a few of the greatest groaners — and thank you for sharing your "best" jokes.

Some fatherly quips to share with dad on his special day:
 

  • What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved.
     
  • How do you organize a space party? You planet.
     
  • Why did everyone enjoy being around the volcano? It’s just so lava-ble.
     
  • What kind of music do the planets listen to? Nep-tunes!
     
  • What did the big flower say to the tiny flower? Hey there bud!
     
  • Why are skeletons so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin.
     
  • I lost my job at the credit union on my very first day…. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
     
  • Why did the pig have ink on his back? Because he lived in a pen!
     
  • How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!
     
  • Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way!
     
  • Why did the computer have no money left? Someone cleaned out its cache!
     
  • How can you tell the invisible man has no children? Because he’s not apparent.
     
  • What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.
     
  • Did you hear the circus is coming? It’s in-tents.
     
  • Why did the math book look so sad? Because of all of its problems!
     
  • Why do cows have hooves and not feet? Because they lac-toes.
     
  • Why did Larry stop working at the shoe recycling shop? It was sole-destroying.
     
  • Why didn’t the melons get married? Because they cantaloupe.
     
  • Why is that cemetery so popular? People are just dying to get in there!
     
  • How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans.
     
  • Did you hear about the man who fell into an upholstery machine? He’s fully recovered.
     
  • What did the fisherman say to the magician? Pick a cod, any cod.
     
  • How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? 10 tickles.
     
  • What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk!
     
  • Why don't seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they’d be bay gulls. 
     
  • What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.
     
  • Where did the dad store all of his jokes? In a dada-base.
     
  • What did the mayonnaise say to the refrigerator? Close the door, I’m dressing.
     
  • Where do baby cats learn to swim? The kitty pool.
     
  • Why are spiders so smart? They can find everything on the web.
     
  • How can a leopard change his spots? By moving.
     
  • Why did John switch his accounts over to the credit union? The big national banks couldn’t ’member anything about him.